In retrospect,

I want my life back.

Regret is expressed,

Yet I did nothing to change things.

Life is a game with no save points,

and choices are forever.

Denial and procrastination,

still rule my Life.

In my world,

It's raining.

ORD LOH!
err. 10 days ago anyway.

The day i was so sure would change my life forever came and went, and i just wasted away 10 days of my "precious" freedom by sleeping at 4am and waking at 2pm the last 9 days. Almost everyone else i know is already working parttime to earn some form of upkeep. Myself, i seem to be becoming a hikikomori (for those who understand) and staying at home doing nothing but sleep, play psp, play fallout 3 and listen to music. All the stuff that everyone said was okay to do.. but obviously not to the level im at right now. I downloaded star ocean 1st departure and finished it in 2 days.. then i restarted -again- to get different characters into the party. [sidenote. its really not bad an rpg once u get the hang of it its very easy to complete the storyline] Nothing done about starting to mug for uni or even what i said about applying to overseas again. everything about life is kinda at a standstill.

Tomorrow im going to attempt to wake up in the AM time slot for the first time in 10 days. wow. i said it. 4AM - 2PM is a healthy amount of sleep but in an unhealthy timeslot. If im *ever* going to have 3 meals a day... haha ill have to wake up in time for breakfast.

I hope ill be able to go for that dso attachment with pw and chen and krit.. although i have no idea how much ill be able to contribute to whatever research is being done, i suppose the laojiao looking after me probably wont expect much from me either (i hope). using this as the reason i have somehow made myself believe, that i am unable to find a job as of now cos i dunno when my internship will start and end... complete BS to my conscience lol. I could try finding weekly temp jobs... but that will probably be best paying during christmas? eww.

Now that i think of it, the only thing good i did so far was read. However my chosen read was fiction so there was no knowledge.. my denial self tells me thats to increase my reading speed because i havent been reading enough i read slow now. which is quite true. im trying to finish a book a day. but the way i do it is greatly different from how the pros do it. i finish it in a day. I dont do anything other than sleep read and eat. Thats definitely not healthy either.

end of rant. imma go play more star ocean.

40 days to freedom.
I can feel it.. so close... yet;

I feel like I have no clue what lies ahead. The last 1 year and 10 months I have spent making new friends and learning how harsh the working world can be, how unreasonable people who - outside of their law-given power - no one would listen or care about, can enjoy hours of bliss torturing the living daylights out of other humans beings, the men of my company. The rank given to me was nothing more than an amulet to protect myself from all these. Nonetheless I thought myself superior to those other beings, who were treated no better than dogs, to do as they were told or be punished, to be punished even if they did everything they were told...

I am tormented by thoughts of what i should be doing, late at night before turning in for the day, yet the next day - refreshed - I leave it all for the next night, and carry on my routines. Anime, manga, theyre all i seem to have now. Sometimes i get nice messages from the anime, which in my eyes (and ears) are just like graphic novels, compressed into periods of 6.5hrs each, which is also about the same amount of time it would take for me to finish a novella. Therein lies the writer's mind and ideas, which even if they do not reflect actual experience, contains something that he or she has come up with after some thought.

So what am i to do after it all? I'm gonna end up a Computing student in NUS. What lies there? Will i suffer from the inability to understand the prc or indian lecturers and their pseudo-english? Will i be able to match the success my brother has had from studying in Singapore and his luck? I know i will persevere, but what lies after that?

Endless chatter again. I try hard to control it but its like a flood of words every time i try to express myself to people. I have already realised. People who know me mostly only listen to the first and last sentences of my speech. Its too taxing to listen to all of it. Might have something to do with my lack of expressing myself at home.. I also have difficulty remembering what others have told me about themselves. Definitely not a plus for maintaining relationships. Im a bad listener, in many senses. I foresee difficulties in improving that, probably only possible after my father dies. I constantly practice completely ignoring what he says to me. Words of nonsense and gibberish that do nothing but poke at my failures and mistakes, containing no praise or remorse, Words that i don't agree with and have no basis, Words that are wrong in many senses. Yet arguing is not a choice. It doesnt mean a thing to refute him. He also does not listen. He also doesnt care if I care.

Am i becoming him? No. I will not. That will be one of my goals in life. My first. Definitely not my last. I promise you.

Somehow i find myself wanting to post stuff every time i visit kai's blog. its the only blog i still bother to read though. The others seem to be irrelevant to me, even though kai's doesn't actually mention me at all haha. I guess ill keep this blog for keeps lol.

w007 its exactly 8 weeks till i get my pink ic back! haha and thats 56 days mroe! what more, atec is finally over! yeahhh! the feeling is great! all the stuff they said about more to come hasn't really set in yet. I'm still lovin' it! Who cares if theres an LRI and 4ntm? That's just sup sup swee as long as they don't send me out to the field again =P. Atec was t3h 5|4c|< though, but i cant say more =X

well, its times like these (mainly something big in my life coming to an end,) that i realise how much time i've wasted in my life. Saturday and Sunday every week spent sleeping, and being an otaku hikkamori, weekends burned for cos without any qualms,anger or lost meetings. Nothing done with my spare time at all. I have a text document called "waste time.txt" it appeared around the time i was designing a class tshirt for my class (in the end my designs fell through and some unwearable flashy design was chosen ~~ 50213 4eva!) and it became the file used for recording where the hell i stopped on a certain anime or manga. From checking through it i realised i have really devoted a large portion of my spent life on watching japanese cartoons and picture story books... at the age of 19. People are getting ready for overseas unis, acquiring more knowledge and experience (even if its clubbing experience), while i wile away my time in front of this computer. I don't feel like typing anymore (dinner is ready) so ill just give some scary numbers i can get from the following excerpt from wt.txt :

1157 episodes of anime watched~!
thats 482 hrs or 20 full days of staring at the screen!
i havent even taken into account the manga...
and the funny thing is.. i dont understand a word of Jap..
~ to all otakus out there.. REFLECT! although I'm probably not going to REPENT.

~~ start of excerpt~~!
#@! the world god only knows 18 read
#@! Hayate the Combat Butler 96 read
+#@! mahou`sensei`negima 225 read
+#@! Naruto 416 hua read
+#@! BLEACH 325, -97 read
#@! Kaichou wa Maid-sama! 12 read
#@! GenShiKen started from 42. 55 read... ended.
#@! desireclimax 40 read
#@! Mx0 99 read... ended.
#@! School Rumble Volume19 #283 b51~~>b60-1 ...ended?!
#@! Hunterx RM @ book21 on chinese manga site read

~ To LOVE-Ru 11 Watched - wtf fanservice
~Nogizaka Haruka no Himitsu 9 Watched
World Destruction 1 Watched
~ Koihime Musou 07 Watched - rotk erge all female cast..
~ Kyouran Kazoku Nikki 18 Watched - crazy family. a bit dry
~ Code Geass R2 22 Watched - !@$@#$ the plot so thick
~ Macross Frontier 23 Watched - err.. oldmecha+singing
~ Wagaya no Oinari-sama 18 Watched - fox spirit. slapstick humour ftw.
~ Ikkitousen GreatGuardians 4 Watched
~ Special A 22 Watched - linear plot
DaCapo 5 Watched. - love story. erm.
D Gray Man 100 Watched - retry

#@! Ouran High School Host Club 14 read
#@! ID Chapter 33 read
#@! Air Gear book3 read
#@! *H* tsukihime Chapter 46 read - Licensed in USA
#@! Claymore 4 read
fairy'tail
hunterx 90YE. 22shu
Suzuka FIN
Goddess 23 hua read
Davinci chapter 30

Kyo no Go no Ni 4+1 FIN
~ GenShiKen 2 12 FIN - slice of life.
~ Mnemosyne 06 FIN - immortal story
~ Toshokan Sensou 12 FIN - Library Wars
~ Nabari No Ou 10 Watched - ninjaking? starting to become sloww
~ Kamen no Maid Guy 2 Watched - ? what?
~ RD Sennou Chousashitsu 5 Watched - GitS 2.0
Soul Eater 1 Watched - cool fightscene; female lead voice nt nice.
Vampire Knight 02 Watched - i have no idea whats going on
~ Kanokon 5 Watched - wtff fanservice
School Days 1 Watched - crazy ending
Monochrome Factor 1 Watched - wtf its gay. like really gay
Vampire Knight 1 Watched
Gunslinger Girl 3 Watched - a bit -dark-
VTV~ evangelion 26 FIN -
Shugo Chara! 5 Watched - Character change magical girl
BlassReiter 1 Watched - Monsters that fuse with machines
Touka Gettan 2 watched - huh? ep1=last ep. ghosts,stonesword
TAMNM 2 Watched
Rosario+ 2 Watched -Fan service with a capital F
Kimagure Orange Road 1 Watched ` -old style art. *think ranma*
School Rumble 14 watched (Veoh.com "SR03" by masterumble)
Azumanga Daioh 2 Watched
Zero no Tsukaima -whats this?
Honey and Clover 2 Watched -dont like character art
Amaenaideyo!! 2 Watched -dunno what im watching
Death Note -not interested
Ergo Proxy -cannot find
Kanon -bad reviews
Izumo Takeki Tsurugi no Senki -huh? game
Stellvia of the Universe -brose recc
Slayers Again/Try -brose recc
Gundam -'always' wanted to watch one
Macross -brose recc
\
Lucky Star 24 FIN
Genshiken 13+1 FIN
Code Geass 26 FIN
Bamboo Blade 26 FIn
Clannad 22+1+1[FIN] Watched
Dragonaut - The Resonance 25 FIN
Spice and Wolf 13 FIN
Shakugan no Shana II 24 FIN
True Tears 13 FIN
Kimikiss 24 FIN
sola 15 FIN
Goshuushou-sama Ninomiya-kun 12 FIN
H2O - Footprints in the Sand 12 FIN
Minami-ke 13 FIN
Minami-ke okawari 13 FIN
Myself; Yourself 13 FIN
Fate / Stay Night 13 FIN
Ouran High School Host Club 26 FIN
Ghost in the Shell SAC +2nd gig 26 26 FIN
Vandread +2nd Stage 13 13 FIN
Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha + A's + StrikerS 26 26 26 FIN
Elemental Gelade 26 FIN
Tenjou Tenge 26 FIN
Rozen Maiden + Overture + Traumend 13 2 12 FIN
Chrono Crusade 26 FIN
He is My Master 13 FIN
Shakugan no Shana 26 FIN
Kenichi 51 FIN
The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya 13 FIN
{2,3,5,10,13,14,4,7,6,8,1,12,11,9}
.hack//SIGN LIMINALITY ROOT FIN
Claymore 26 FIN
Elfen Lied 13 FIN
Devil May Cry 6 FIN
Green Green 13 FIN

~end of excerpt~!!

The last post?

well. kudos to google on never deleting anything... i realise that not deleting anything might actually result in better "data safety" and removes the problem of data fragmentation entirely. Anyway. I realise the server hosting this probably runs raid 2 or higher.. and im taking up some space with my insignificant rantings and words. wonder how long this will remain here.. 100 years? Google will probably start manufacturing hard disks by then..

Sometimes i wonder what went wrong with me. I cant stand my father. How he doesn't listen, and talks to you like he's talking to himself. How he always thinks i don't respect him and how he always thinks im arguing with him. How he always thinks he's right...

Then i realise he is right. in more ways than one. Its like a self-fulfilling prophecy. I don't understand why it happened, but i began "rebelling" and arguing, mainly because i always think im right and he's wrong, and i don't like being treated like a spineless, insignificant brat. Somewhere along i also lost all respect of him.

He couldn't pass his As, only passed after my mum made him go for another try.. he was always receiving complaints at work, but somehow thats normal because he worked at an NPP so boliao citizens will always jack him just because they're not too happy with his attitude or something. I don't doubt he worked his ass off to earn money. he even continued working after he retired in a couple of jobs, then he stopped because he felt his body couldn't cope with working long hours anymore. Now he just stays at home with my mum and -occasionally- makes everyone's life miserable.

All i remember when i was young was that he always had alot of rage. it was mostly undirected, but it definitely wasnt dormant. I have a few traumatic experiences with that rage, which i remember all too well. As a child (id like to think that i am no longer one) i was the naughty, playful, active, crazy type.

There was once i ran around the hawker centre at old airport road. I was what? 7? When my family found me we left immediately. And before we got into the car he pinched me countless times all over my thighs. if i remember correctly i was wailing. i dont remember him stopping.

Another time i was arguing with him. I was.. having my O levels. Rebellious age ya? he pushed me arnd and used his fists and feet on me. I dont remember it hurting, and i dont remember making much noise. he stopped, probably cos he got tired. I cried in bed after that.

That was probably the last time i really cried.

He has fetched me to camp every book in since i went into NS. We have conversations like normal father and son. Time and again he will suddenly burst into anger and declare that i am arguing with him. Past experiences will remind me to just stop talking and let him rant and rave for a while, but sometimes i get angsty too and the house gets noisy. In the end i will always lose, regardless of what i say or what the argument is about (he doesn't listen anyway), because "I am your father!" pretty much owns everything else i have to say. (and i cant shout "NO!" and fall into a pit to be rescued by-)

Now, i feel like i am becoming a lot like him. * Doesn't listen. Argues. Refuse to lose. Doesn't give a damn what everyone else thinks. Talk like im talking to myself. Talk as if no one else' feelings matter. full of rage. I no longer respect him. I have been thinking about this lately. And i don't know how to change myself. I find myself sinking deeper and deeper into denial and becoming an introvert. Soon ill probably fear human contact and try to stay away from my friends in case something i do/say makes them think different of me. Different from how they used to see me. I keep detecting animosity between my peers and myself.

*A Thought* that, maybe, just maybe, if one of my friends who know of this site ever comes back to read all of this, maybe they will understand why i am who i am now.. just a hope.

I feel alone. And it feels disturbingly comfortable.

Army Life. its not so much the physical training thats tough. But when you realise nobody really cares about you it starts to get mental. not sure if im supposed to feel sad that nowadays i look forward to only 3 things - eating, showering, and booking out.

Sometimes i feel that my book outs have not much meaning anymore. I never really spend it doing anything worthwhile. Watching anime, playing CS, all seem very hermitty to me. I feel deprived sia. Only go out with friends 1/4 weekends or so, and it always seems like that all want to go out on the same day at the same times.

Well., im not even sure who bothers to read this blog anymore. guess other people move on too.

A levels day. wont bother to talk about Army. it brings about a whole new kind of mental torture and depression.

Results first:
Economics :- B
Maths 'C' :- A
F Maths :- A
Physics :- A
Maths S :- Distinction
Physics S :- Ungraded
GP :- A1

i don't know what i should be feeling about this result. somehow, i can't really say i deserve this, yet its not what i want. i wanted 4As, even though i knew i didn't deserve it. that D and A1.. i was not expecting- i should be happy about it. I don't know what to feel about the results. i know people who scored far worse than me but are damn fucking happy. I also know people that were owned solely by their GP results... my GP is not strong.. the U was unexpected. I really did think i would at least get a merit for physics S. I am sad at getting that B for econs. i really really wanted that A. But did i put in enough effort?

as for aspirations, i probably don't have any reason to hold on to them. i didnt put in the effort to achieve them. all talk no action. thats a phrase that can describe me. everything about me is depressing when i think about it. but somehow i know im not supposed to be sad, because there are so many more people who will kill to get my score.

NUS. i can't say i wanted to go there. my brother can't say he wanted me to go there. My father seems fucking happy that i made it in. and it pisses me off. utterly.

good night.

Near death experiences are said to enlighten the soul and make people think about higher things like second chances and being a better person. The one I just had only left me feeling very stupid.

I just came out of the MRT at Serangoon after taking the train in the wrong direction from City Hall to Outram instead of Aljunied. I saw the 53 at the bus stop across the street, and was forced to wait at the other side of the road cos of the red man. Red men have strange mystical powers that halt people facing them, but I will not go into detail as to how. Anyway while I was waiting for the light to turn green I was faced with a choice whether to wait 20 minutes or try to chase the bus downslope to the next bus stop. Adrenaline coursing through my veins, I chose flight. Dashing across the road just as the 53 turned at the zebra crossing, I decided to run parallel to the road instead of across the crossing. It was then that I realised the 82 behind it was not slowing down.

I would have died.

If not for the driver slamming the brakes, I really would have. I knew he did not expect me to do it, because of the time between the brake and the horn. The fact that it was in that order - brake then horn, also supports it.

Testosterone and adrenaline and whatever stuff that makes you high made me feel good - on top of the world - running down the slope. Until my mind came back through the window and kicked my stupid into the backseat. I broke out in cold sweat and realised I could not bring myself to run any further. Ten metres away i watched the 53 leave and the 82 speed into the bus stop. A bewildered driver leapt out of the bus, either fuming or traumatised, probably intending to ask wtf I was thinking, then somehow left it at that after one or two harsh sentences. Maybe he saw my face or something.

wow. If the driver had braked a second later things may have been so much different now...

Minghan looked at the corpse sprawled across the street. Is that an eyeball over there? Eww.. theres even brain juice flowing out from under the wheel. Death has such a horrid imagina-

AH. ANOTHER ONE? THAT MAKES SEVEN NOW. I TAKE IT THAT YOU PEOPLE REALLY HATE YOUR PUBLIC TRANSPORT? AT LEAST YOU WERE CREATIVE. I REALLY COULDN'T HAVE THOUGHT OF A BETTER WAY TO DIE TO A BUS.

"Erm. That wasn't suicide."

NO? THE DRIVER HAD MURDEROUS INTENT?

"Err... I don't think so. It was more of an accident."

YOU ACCIDENTALLY COLLIDED INTO A BUS?

"Erm.. I suppose yes, I actually thought I could get across before the bus did."

YOU TOOK PHYSICS IN SCHOOL YES?

"Yes?"

DID YOU LEARN THAT A BODY USUALLY DOES NOT COVER A DISTANCE FASTER THAN ANOTHER BODY THAT IS TRAVELLING FASTER?

"Erm. I admit I didn't take that into consideration. Couldn't really tell how fast the bus was going anyway. Just thought I could beat the bus to it."

AH. I HAVE HEARD OF THIS. MIND OVER MATTER IS IT? I BELIEVE YOU CALL IT PSY-CHO-LOL-G. I CAN TELL YOU IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY. MATTER OVER MIND ALWAYS CRUSHES THE MIND.

"Oh."

* * *

Well i had a lot to think about while walking the 3 bus stops home, mostly trying to decide what made me try such a thing. Decided it was lack of sleep and left it at that. As to why im still alive, i spent a couple of seconds thinking whethere it could be God or some greater being, then countered with probability and decided the effort was done by the driver. IE the driver saved my life. Should have thanked him or something for not killing me. Somehow Luck never crossed my mind. I don't really think Luck helps people that try stupid things. Also, i realise all i could have gotten out of it was 15 minutes more time in my life, and stood to lose all the time. For the driver, he just gained the most exhiliarating experience of his career and could have instead had to live his life knowing he killed some poor kid who was crossing the road. Was feeling.. erm stupid. don't know a better word for such a thing. After a while my thoughts were a bit clouded by my father, who reminded me that sometimes some people live their lives going all out to make others feel sad, and don't think twice about it. Although i cant identify any link between dying and my father, it somehow made me feel better between the time i got home and when my brother stopped playing the comp. Explaining the lighter tone i have in my depiction above.

A levels are over, SAT2 is over, its about time i ended my hiatus. I realise many people i know and have come to recognise as part of my social life and circle are going to return to their home countries. Somehow i know im not supposed to feel sad for them, because they probably sorely miss their parent(s), even if there are some who would rather not face them. I understand that we must go our separate ways, and yet i hope that we will stay in touch, through cyberspace.

Other regrets come to mind, such as not putting in enough effort for prelims and even before that. People who have been studying hard and getting their As throughout deserve to get it again. Do I? Im not sure i deserve even that 4As, much less and distinctions in S papers. I could easily blame it on WoW, but i know that was a choice i myself made, and can only regret. I told myself during As that i would give my best shot, and face it without regret. But that was only momentary, and lethargic thoughts are creeping up on me again.

I am sure i will be able to take a mediocre result and step on towards NUS. But I am rather certain (confirm with chop) that someone in my household will remember it for me, and make sure i remember it for the rest of my life (or his). Scary flashbacks to the time when i was sent to a lesser JC come to mind, vivid like a nightmare im now dreaming. "RI so what? You are nothing." thats the kind of encouragement i recieve from my father. I am not sure how i will cope with his inconsiderate rantings should i fail to perform at least as well as my brother. "Hopes held high" would be a good description of what my brother has on me...

People often talk about how elders put onto the younger ones their burdens and all their regrets. They will go all out to try and prevent the young from making the same mistakes and facing the same consequences. It is not difficult to see that one who gets an overseas degree has a brighter future than a toad in a red dot, especially if Singapore isn't well known for that field of study in the first place. I can feel the hope resting on my shoulders, and i have no where to rest it.

Will I too sit on my ledge and watch as my friends take flight?

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6708190071483512003

while some parts of this video is rather close to propaganda and the classic case of "you see what we want you to see" i think some issues they brought up are food for thought.

in the light of the A levels coming, if u ppl think you have 1.5 hrs to spend watching this... lol okay you don't have that amt of time. so just remember to watch it after its all over.

a few hours ago i made the shocking discovery that ice cubes can exist at temperatures below 0 degrees Celsius.

new day new discoveries.

You know you either need more sleep or have used firefox for too long when you try to right click - shift up mouse to open word documents.

in other news, my parents lost their passports in china. so fun. dun worrie for them, cos they already have tickets and travel documents and will come back at 3am. haha

a few weeks ago i read about the SG govt intending to provide free WIFI (basically wireless internet) services all over singapore next year. at 512kbps. the other pay-to-use companies responded saying they will probably have a 35MBPS connection running by end of next year.

I felt that the government was undertaking another rotten apple project (outside look good, inside crappy) that would probably be using up enough money to keep hundreds of less fortunate families from eating instant noodles for MONTHS. considering the upkeep on that connection, i think the money could just be used on the kids with the school pocket money fund. Why get people to donate a couple of million bucks a year through performances when the government can just give a billion or two to the foundation? And its not going against the idea of no welfare either, since the children shouldnt be the ones suffering because their parents had a bad education (or even lacked one) and thus couldnt find a job... it required the death of one parent to get a family 500k (which is a ridiculous sum, that i felt should have been shared with other families in the same plight instead).

Anyway. The Gahmen probably will have to upgrade the thing if it is to stay up-to-date and all, but on reading a certain advert in the papers, i realise that WIFI isnt just some exclusive thing for people who have laptops. Something called SkyVoice and its akan datang (soon-to-come) copies will potentially half singtel and stahub's handphone business market share. remember skype and video messenging? only have to pay for your internet to use them? NOW YOU DONT EVEN HAVE TO PAY FOR THE BLOODY INTERNET CONNECTION. GGnore

hah. i disclaim anything here that may be offensive to anyone. i know the ideas here arent really original or new. just that i think some other people are slower than me and can read this. heh. guess ill need to get a new phone soon. Do you think the wifi will be available at Tekong? ahahaha.

I think its called a "Revamp"? haha layout is different! yay! took quite a while to kope the code and edit it... and it didnt help that the stupid image cache screwed up my positioning of the links. so ya ive been helping zhouyue with her new blog and design. I think the concept art is not bad but the area is a llitle small.. and the text is harder to read than mine. spent quite long trying to get shadows on the text to let u see it (which was AFTER i realised u cant make the colours invert themselves when its like black words on black text in html, which sounds quite basic to me ;p) then i realised glow is about the best i can get. so now each letter makes its own nice space in the black black stuff so u can barely read it. Black on white on black isnt what i would call friendly to the eyes... maybe a font colour change? although that would go against the general idea of black,grey,white..

on to more ... pressing.. matters.

A LEVELS ARE IN FOURTEEN DAYS!
MATHS C : 80%
FMATHS : 50%
PHYSICS : 0%
ECONS : 5%

Am i sad? ya quite. does NOT help that i have to go to school for 1.5 hrs a day. instead of just going there for a full 10 hrs and be done with the whole revision crap they are holding. I wouldnt say its completely utterly stupid and useless, but I can probably do double the work IN THE TWO HOURS I SPEND GOING TO AND FROM THE BLOODY JC.

another thing. can we ban the J1s from going to the school library? they dont fucking need it. Don't give me that crap about mugging in school when they're tests arent counted anyway and dont have to try to qualify for any S papers. Anyw i dun really think the lib is very conducive for studying. i think the time i spent stoning in bishan lib with qix and kenneth was better.

ive been concentrating a lot on maths this past week but i fear im running out of time. hopefully the boat will naturally become straight when it enters the channel...

p.s. January 11th 2007, BMTC School Two, Pulau Tekong. lawl.

3113 Fire Noodles (Die Die Must Try; like, really die):
I ate it. "Shiok" might not be an accurate description of the insane triple chilli icons beside its name. Stupid trowa.. both of us suicided on it yesterday.

You know how damage of time spells work? now imagine the 3113 chilli is a stackable spell. amount of damage i was taking basically multiplies over time cos i was eating mouthful after mouthful. Doesn't help that i drank (cold) water. Thats like "amplify damage" in all senses of the word. Had to stop eating after i took the first sip. Tongue felt like it was peeling.

Well at least now i can say that i ate it. All of it. So did trowa, after a fashion lol. Not a very good thing to eat first time to Thai Express, but you should try it. Its a .. fascinating .. experience.

Aftermath: I predicted that the chilli will do weird things to my stomach. Somehow that didnt prevent me from going to bubble tea and drinking coffee-milk-tea. Stomach started bubbling soon after. i can safely tell you its not a comfortable feeling at all. Went away after a while, so i ignored it. Reached home, and quickly downed "Bao Zai Yun"(tm) if you dunno what that is, its basically something that constipates you to prevent you from, erm, excessive diarrhea. After that, logic then went to sleep and i did some very stupid things.

I drank milk. Fresh milk.

Now, we know that chinese are lactose intolerant people, and that fresh milk on its own can cause diarrhea for us. Also, when you have indigestion, it is generally suicidal to drink milk. Well, since logic was out of the window, i drank a full cup of milk.

My stomach exploded.

You know those cool science experiments in secondary school where you mixed acid and base and you get cool reactions, resulting in salt precipitates and sometimes gas? Hm. Chilli is acidic, thats why its spicy in your mouth. Milk is also a common household basic liquid. Somehow that didnt occur to me until i started feeling things get a little rowdy in my stomach.

Flew to the kitchen and got myself a cup of teh-o (thats tea without milk) and drained the cup. Have to note that teh-o is actually basic too ya? thats why it helps with stomach gastric and stuff. But somehow it helped and i didnt even have to go to the toilet. Cool ya? then i stayed up to 3:30 am lol. What do you expect? i just drank a cup of Coffee-milk-tea and a cup of hot tea.

Meh. I don't think i'm ever going to eat 3113 ever again.

i need to grow up.

i propose that one does not donate money because his peers do not donate money. if your peers donate 5 dollars each to the famine relief fund then you yourself will be under pressure to donate. After all, donating is a good thing and not donating is not a bad thing. supererogatory ftw.

i suggest the United Nations imposes a 5% income tax on all rich nations in its member states, that is transferred without leakage (ie not used to pay for anything else and thus reduce the amount of corruption that takes place) to poor and impoverished nations of the world. if we all spend the same amount of money helping people who cant help themselves, why would anyone mind? After all that 150/3000 bucks wouldnt really go to anything that is a necessity to our lives.

--

Tens of millions of people are dying to starvation. A few people are donating billions to charity. 22 billion may sounds like a lot, coming from the 2nd richest man in the world, but the world's population is (1626 hrs +8GMT 27/08/06) estimated to be 6.6 billion. Not counting the perhaps 3 billion people who live in poverty, of which 1.1 billion are subsisting (or not) on less than 1 USD a day, the other half of the world only has to come up with 10 dollars to far exceed that 22b from a single person.

With about 11 million children dying before the age of 5 (2005), from health problems long eradicated in developed countries, we ponder on the concept of medicine, and wonder why despite holding the cure in our hands, we choose to let 11 million human beings die to respiratory infection, malaria, measles and even diarrhea. Instead of waiting for people to pay for the healthcare of other people's children, why cant pharmaceutical companies use their own profits to do some good with their medicine, which in the first place was meant to be a gift of life.

"Bless agriculture and stock raising
Banish all famine and diseases;
Fill the land with good health
And bless it." - part of the S.Africa's National Anthem, "God Bless Africa".

We, the people of the developed nations, have been playing god for so long. with genetically modified food, we have boosted world crop yield multi-fold. we have indeed banished, as mentioned in the previous para, famine and diseases from our own land. What have we done other than that? we have shifted crop yield profits from farmers to those who provide the seeds. some have decided on subsidies to their own farmers to protect markets from others offering the same at lower prices. When supply is too high and threatens to reduce profits (unfortunately reduce prices so that the poor can afford more and live a better life) some choose to burn all the excess. What has this world come to and what has happened to logic and empathy in the face of commercialism? What is stopping us from blessing africa?

"It is poverty to let a child die so that you may live as you wish." - Mother Teresa

"Each has his past shut in him like the leaves of a book known to him by heart and his friends can only read the title."

-Virginia Woolf

found a game by "Jenova CHEN" hahaha and found it quite fun. didnt have to think much playing it, and i realise i knew what i was supposed to do even without reading the how to play beforehand... lol except that i didnt know exactly how to kill things.. i thot i was too small to eat them.. go TRY IT

haha heres some srcshots (Yes, i was THAT bored) anyw its quite fun, i completed it thrice already. boss fights are fun + the ending currently sucks cos that guy didnt link it back properly. apparently last time when u lost a fight with the bosses you have to restart.

Nice right..
go play haha..
dont bother reading the instructions
just learn on the fly.
gd luck finding out how to get the second unit!
GG i say.

WC PREDICTIONS!

Germany : Argentina
3 : 2

Italy : Ukraine
1 : 0

England : Portugal
1 : 1 (pen)

Brazil : France
3 : 2

Germany : Italy
3 : 0

Brazil : Portugal
2 : 1

Germany : Brazil
2 : 0

Have Phun Watching!