Near death experiences are said to enlighten the soul and make people think about higher things like second chances and being a better person. The one I just had only left me feeling very stupid.
I just came out of the MRT at Serangoon after taking the train in the wrong direction from City Hall to Outram instead of Aljunied. I saw the 53 at the bus stop across the street, and was forced to wait at the other side of the road cos of the red man. Red men have strange mystical powers that halt people facing them, but I will not go into detail as to how. Anyway while I was waiting for the light to turn green I was faced with a choice whether to wait 20 minutes or try to chase the bus downslope to the next bus stop. Adrenaline coursing through my veins, I chose flight. Dashing across the road just as the 53 turned at the zebra crossing, I decided to run parallel to the road instead of across the crossing. It was then that I realised the 82 behind it was not slowing down.
I would have died.
If not for the driver slamming the brakes, I really would have. I knew he did not expect me to do it, because of the time between the brake and the horn. The fact that it was in that order - brake then horn, also supports it.
Testosterone and adrenaline and whatever stuff that makes you high made me feel good - on top of the world - running down the slope. Until my mind came back through the window and kicked my stupid into the backseat. I broke out in cold sweat and realised I could not bring myself to run any further. Ten metres away i watched the 53 leave and the 82 speed into the bus stop. A bewildered driver leapt out of the bus, either fuming or traumatised, probably intending to ask wtf I was thinking, then somehow left it at that after one or two harsh sentences. Maybe he saw my face or something.
wow. If the driver had braked a second later things may have been so much different now...
Minghan looked at the corpse sprawled across the street. Is that an eyeball over there? Eww.. theres even brain juice flowing out from under the wheel. Death has such a horrid imagina-
AH. ANOTHER ONE? THAT MAKES SEVEN NOW. I TAKE IT THAT YOU PEOPLE REALLY HATE YOUR PUBLIC TRANSPORT? AT LEAST YOU WERE CREATIVE. I REALLY COULDN'T HAVE THOUGHT OF A BETTER WAY TO DIE TO A BUS.
"Erm. That wasn't suicide."
NO? THE DRIVER HAD MURDEROUS INTENT?
"Err... I don't think so. It was more of an accident."
YOU ACCIDENTALLY COLLIDED INTO A BUS?
"Erm.. I suppose yes, I actually thought I could get across before the bus did."
YOU TOOK PHYSICS IN SCHOOL YES?
DID YOU LEARN THAT A BODY USUALLY DOES NOT COVER A DISTANCE FASTER THAN ANOTHER BODY THAT IS TRAVELLING FASTER?
"Erm. I admit I didn't take that into consideration. Couldn't really tell how fast the bus was going anyway. Just thought I could beat the bus to it."
AH. I HAVE HEARD OF THIS. MIND OVER MATTER IS IT? I BELIEVE YOU CALL IT PSY-CHO-LOL-G. I CAN TELL YOU IT DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY. MATTER OVER MIND ALWAYS CRUSHES THE MIND.
* * *
Well i had a lot to think about while walking the 3 bus stops home, mostly trying to decide what made me try such a thing. Decided it was lack of sleep and left it at that. As to why im still alive, i spent a couple of seconds thinking whethere it could be God or some greater being, then countered with probability and decided the effort was done by the driver. IE the driver saved my life. Should have thanked him or something for not killing me. Somehow Luck never crossed my mind. I don't really think Luck helps people that try stupid things. Also, i realise all i could have gotten out of it was 15 minutes more time in my life, and stood to lose all the time. For the driver, he just gained the most exhiliarating experience of his career and could have instead had to live his life knowing he killed some poor kid who was crossing the road. Was feeling.. erm stupid. don't know a better word for such a thing. After a while my thoughts were a bit clouded by my father, who reminded me that sometimes some people live their lives going all out to make others feel sad, and don't think twice about it. Although i cant identify any link between dying and my father, it somehow made me feel better between the time i got home and when my brother stopped playing the comp. Explaining the lighter tone i have in my depiction above.