Friday, March 02, 2007

A levels day. wont bother to talk about Army. it brings about a whole new kind of mental torture and depression.

Results first:
Economics :- B
Maths 'C' :- A
F Maths :- A
Physics :- A
Maths S :- Distinction
Physics S :- Ungraded
GP :- A1

i don't know what i should be feeling about this result. somehow, i can't really say i deserve this, yet its not what i want. i wanted 4As, even though i knew i didn't deserve it. that D and A1.. i was not expecting- i should be happy about it. I don't know what to feel about the results. i know people who scored far worse than me but are damn fucking happy. I also know people that were owned solely by their GP results... my GP is not strong.. the U was unexpected. I really did think i would at least get a merit for physics S. I am sad at getting that B for econs. i really really wanted that A. But did i put in enough effort?

as for aspirations, i probably don't have any reason to hold on to them. i didnt put in the effort to achieve them. all talk no action. thats a phrase that can describe me. everything about me is depressing when i think about it. but somehow i know im not supposed to be sad, because there are so many more people who will kill to get my score.

NUS. i can't say i wanted to go there. my brother can't say he wanted me to go there. My father seems fucking happy that i made it in. and it pisses me off. utterly.

good night.